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CCMO Mini Conference: Elder Care Mediation AURORA, May 12, 2007 — Mediators and elder care professionals agreed during CCMO's first-in-a-series Mini Conference that each group and their clients could benefit from increased mediation. Some 35 people attended the session on Saturday, May 12, at the University of Colorado Hospital's Center for Dependency and Addiction Rehabilitation. Panelists were Enid Cox, University of Denver Graduate School of Social Work; Pat Holley, Alzheimer's Association Colorado Chapter Family Services Director; Karen Buchanan, Colorado Elder Care Solutions; Betsy Kelchner, National Association of Social Workers Colorado Chapter Aging Committee Chair; Kelly Roberts, Denver Regional Council of Governments Ombudsman Office; Janet Koin Dampeer, LCSW and CCMO Director; Jon Miller, attorney and CCMO Director; and Matt Haynes, CCMO Board President. The group covered a wide variety of conflict-related topics, including intra-family issues, professional disagreements, disputes in long-term care facilities, interactions in legal fora, and many others. Everyone generally agreed on what mediators already know: Especially during complex, emotional, longstanding, relationship-based struggles, mediation could be a tremendous asset. And most agreed with something else mediators already know: Getting paid is tough. There is money available — after all, people pay attorneys, health care professionals, therapists, and many others — and an enterprising mediator may find a fertile field.
The next Mini Conference is tentatively scheduled for Saturday, Aug. 18, and will focus on marketing your mediation practice. Expect to pick up real-world pointers you can use to spark your business. And during lunch CCMO's Marketing Committee expects to offer a few opportunities to put those pointers into practice.
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The Practices of Aikido and Mediation Aikido is a martial art originating in Japan in the mid-20 th century. The founder of aikido, Morihei Ueshiba., known as O'Sensei (great teacher) and the Founder studied classical fencing (kendo), jiu jitsu and other forms of grappling, staff (jo and bo), and other esoteric forms of deadly martial arts. He also was a follower and close student of the teachers of Omoto Kyo (a mystical religious practice) and Daitu Ryu (secret deadly martial arts techniques). Although diminutive in stature, O'Sensei became known as a man who was invincible. He states that one day he allowed a man with a live sword (a full metal sharpened samurai sword) to attack him in his garden. He defended himself by simply anticipating and moving out of the way of every strike until his attacker fell on the ground in exhaustion. At that time, O'Sensei says that he saw the sap flowing through the trees, he saw with 360 degree vision, penetrating the earth and sky, saw the universal energy of God, and realized that all budo (the warrior spirit) emanated from God's love of all beings. It was upon this realization that he synthesized all of the deadly martial arts he had studied into aikido, the way of harmony (or, alternatively, love), a martial art designed to not harm people. Many of the principles of aikido have direct application to the practice of mediation. In no particular order, the first principle of aikido is to allow the other to attack. Aikido has no offensive moves. The underlying principle is that anyone who attacks is unbalanced and thus weaker. In mediation, we ask people to tell us why they have come to the table; what issues do they have to resolve. The issues they present are both symbolic and actual wounds to be healed. We encourage litigants to express themselves. Another principle of aikido is that when a sword or fist is directed at you, do not be there. Do not be the victim of the attack. Step aside. When parties in a litigation or mediation start to attack each other or you, step aside, let them express themselves but reframe the onslaught so that it is not ultimately damaging. There is a principle of aikido called "musubi" or blending. The image is of cooked rice being made into a rice ball. In practice, when someone attacks you, you blend with her movements. When you blend with the movements you can redirect them. If someone punches you, it may hurt to receive the punch; but if you are sensitive and your timing is good you can step out of the way and assist her in the direction that she is punching or even turn her. So when a person in mediation expresses strong feelings, acknowledge her (blend) and then reframe the statement for a more positive outcome. If you have blended with the person's attack, it is easy to redirect it and turn it. A principle of aikido involves proper distance, miyai. If you are too close or too far you do not have the freedom and space to move out of the way, blend and redirect. What is the proper distance? In mediation it may be the attitude with which you deal with the parties: not too close, not too familiar, distant enough to show respect for the dignity inherent in each and every human being. But you have to be close enough to express warmth and compassion. In aikido, compassion is one of the ultimate principles. O'Sensei once said the goal of aikido is nothing other than cosmic consciousness. In order to blend, to redirect, to be the proper distance and yet interact, one has to have compassion. There is compassion for the victim and the victimizer, the plaintiff and the defendant. In fact if we talk to the spirit, we will find good in everyone, and see their plight and tragedies. If they can see that in each other, the mediation has already succeeded. Spirit in Japanese is symbolized by the steam rising from the rice in the hearth and home. Spirit is the essence. Ideally the parties will find compassion for each other. In aikido there is no competition. Competition means play acting and holding back. Instead, the actions are real. They are either orchestrated in practice or they are entirely real. In mediation it is important to remember that these are people's lives being laid bare in front of us. Often a litigation, like a serious disease, is a turning point in a person's life, a time of great importance, stress and adversity. This is an opportunity for litigants to heal. First they need to express themselves – and do so, so the others may hear them. Then each needs to respond. If one or more parties can understand each other -- apologize and accept apologies-- then a great step forward has been made toward a healing. In one form of aikido the practitioner disappears, and simply moves energy to allow structures and positions to change (including what appears to be a full throw). Ideally, the mediators should disappear and the parties/clients work out and find their own solutions. Imagine a mediation in which the mediators only speak a foreign language; then through compassion, active listening, and energy, the parties may come to a resolution. If on the other hand there is an impasse, then the mediator needs to find a way to break the impasse. In aikido there can be something called an "atemi." An atemi is a sound, gesture, thought, energy or move that breaks the concentration of someone caught in an immovable grip. Sometimes you cannot proceed without an atemi. In mediation we interrupt a negative train of statements, perhaps rephrasing or even suggesting that certain forms of statements will not be productive. Another form of atemi may be asking a participant how they feel about something (how did it feel to see the child bleeding after the accident?). Perhaps an atemi is a reminder that neither party may like what will happen in court, and what the risks are. (Judge Satter said, "At least one of you will be disappointed after a trial and if I do my job right, neither of you will be pleased.") In evaluative or directed mediation, you may wish to remind parties in caucus of the risks of litigation. In other styles you may want to ask them what the risks of litigation are. One may phrase questions in a way that illuminates. In aikido the movements are effortless and flowing. In some ways, this is similar to tai chi. My aikido teacher says that a difference between aikido and tai chi is that aikido requires a partner to practice. In mediation there are always parties and the mediator attempts to keep the conversation and energy flowing. If the parties work through the emotions, then they can begin to negotiate a resolution. In aikido and all forms of mysticism there is the principle of purification, misogi. In mediation if a resolution is achieved, then there is purification and a healing. This takes place through the sincerity, the hard work and the commitment of the parties and the mediators. It does not happen automatically. Sometimes the mediators provide direction and at other times they provide compassion and a space for healing. Finally in a different light, mediation and aikido share the characteristics of a social movement. Aikido has grown organically in response to the needs of individuals, who wished to find someone with whom to practice. In society, there are certain belief systems that are prevalent at any given time. From time to time there is a paradigm shift. One paradigm is that people resolve conflict by 'duking' it out in public or by grandiose displays of power in the arenas of courtrooms and battlefields, where there is a victor and a loser. The sad truth is that usually everyone loses, everyone is harmed, including third parties, wives, children, the environment, the planet. A new paradigm is that individuals in conflict can come together in dignity, control and compassion and work out their differences. Recall that the court system was an improvement to and derived from the battles of the Middle Ages where hand to hand combat showed who was right. In the 20th century there was a movement to the small claims courts where lawyers were not needed and often not welcome. The paradigm of mediation is that of a resolution of conflict with a neutral mediator who facilitates rather than sits in judgment. The mediation paradigm is one that provides more certainty, personal responsibility and thus satisfaction, in the outcome. Jonathan L. Miller is an attorney-mediator in Boulder, Colorado. He studies aikido in Boulder with Bob Wing, of the Mountain Warrior Institute and currently at Naropa University.
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CCMO Committee Reports: Marketing Committee To market, to market …. Many of us struggle with the concept, the strategies, the methods, and the chores. Instead of facing the challenges alone, the newly reconstituted Marketing Committee wants to collaborate: Let's work together to build our businesses and meet our needs. At its June meeting, the Committee agreed to develop a strategic marketing plan for CCMO, imposing the requirements that the plan increase CCMO membership and increase the field's visibility by helping members throughout Colorado meet their marketing needs. Discussion included possibilities like developing a speakers' bureau (heard that before?) that would provide members opportunities to spread the word about CCMO, mediation — AND their own businesses. Details will have to wait until an integrated plan is developed — probably in July — and endorsed by the Board — probably in August. Interested? Curious? Contact Daniel Horsey, 303/503-1645, dhorsey@3storystage.com.
Multicultural Committee The Multicultural Committee will be presenting a four hour mini-conference training program, scheduled to make it easy for those attending the Statewide Mediation conference. The training will be presented on Saturday morning, September 29, 2007, at the Radisson Hotel Stapleton. We will be presenting information followed by attendee participation with a multicultural panel discussing and exchanging experience and ideas on how mediators address the cultural mapping of Hispanic mediation clients. Discussion questions include how members of the Hispanic community work with authority, answer to the surrounding world, body language, and provide mediators tips to effective mediation in a culturally diverse mediation are among those to be addressed during this program.. This exciting training opportunity is presented by the Colorado Council of Mediators and Mediation Organizations Multicultural committee with participation for 2005 and 2006 CCMO training scholarship recipients Linda Hernandez, Sandra Fusco, and Elizabeth Suarez.
Events Committee The Events Committee would like to offer a special thank-you to Diane Sanders, marketing director for the University of Colorado Hospital's Center for Dependency and Addiction Rehabilitation (CeDAR), for allowing CCMO use of their conference room for the recent Elder Care Mediation Mini-Conference. Diane will also play an integral role in CCMO’s upcoming Marketing Mini-Conference. In addition to the Marketing Mini-Conference coming in August (see CCMO Mini Conference: Elder Care Mediation article for more information), the Events Committee intends to plan at least one further mini-conference, topic to be determined, before year’s end.
Education and Certification Committee Our committee would like to thank Louise Wildee for her dedication and time commitment to serve as Chair for the Education and Certification Committee. Louise will continue to serve on this committee and- in April- Board Member, Shauna Ries, assumed her role as chair. This committee has structured a day long retreat at the Conflict Center
in Denver June 30th from 10am- 4pm to explore the: who, what, where and
when of implementing the professional mediator education ecommendations. We are
working with Renee Belisle and the State of Colorado statute, which
oversees professional trainings, in this implementation process. We will also We will keep CCMO apprised of the efforts of this committee in the next CCMO news letter.
Professional Mediator Application Review Committee The Professional Mediator Application Review Committee is seeking one additional committee member, preferably who holds CCMO Professional Mediator status. Must be available during the first two weeks of each month to receive and reply to mailed applications, have reliable email access which is checked regularly. Contact Trish Elledge at 303/791-3574 or elledgegroup@aol.com (be sure to put "CCMO Committee" in the subject line to avoid deletion).
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Upcoming Events: For a calendar of upcoming CCMO and related events, please go to: http://www.coloradomediation.org/calendar/ccmocalendar.php
SAVE THE DATE Colorado’s First Annual Statewide ADR Conference
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Congratulations to the following CCMO members who recently gained CCMO Professional Mediator status: Terrance K. Young, Ph.D., PMP Christy Kay Derr
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CCMO Board Information:
Contact Us: Colorado Council of Mediators and Mediation Organizations (303) 322-9275 or (800) 864-4317 If you wish to place an advertisement in a future edition of the CCMO
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